Thursday, September 18, 2014

it's been a while, how about a snake story?

So it’s been a while.  I confess, I was lured away by the easy of use and almost instantaneous validation of Instagram.  My account is private, but if I know you send a follow request to @pioneerbookworm if you like.  I’ll try and put some Instagram pictures up here every once and a while for those who don’t do Instagram.

I have a story that needs to be documented for posterity.  It involves a snake, as stories frequently do (at least around here).  Two things to start: 1.  No, I have no idea where all these snakes are coming from.  We’ve had more snakes in our house in the last 4 months then we’ve had in the last 5 years.  But I do live in the middle of a field in the Tropics, so odds are not in my favor.
2.  I hate snakes.  I hate them worse then you do.  I can’t even handle pictures of snakes. If a snake shows up on a tv show I have to change the channel.  The first time we ever had a snake in the house I got so hysterical that Daniel had to fill the bath with cold water and sit me in it to calm me down. 

visitors: Kobe, my mom, and my sister!
Here is the scene: It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon.  Daniel is taking a nap on the play mat on the floor, Lu is buzzing around in the baby walker, and Ms M is playing on the floor.  I’m sitting on the couch, getting my computer ready to skype with my parents.  The cat is playing with something under the stove, and I assume it’s a grasshopper cause she likes to play with them.  Then everything happens all at once.  A 3 foot long snake shoots out from under the stove, heading straight for Daniel and M.  I screamed, Daniel shot up from a dead sleep, grabbed M, and basically threw her at me.  I stashed her on the couch and took two steps to grab Lu, only to fail to catch Daniel as he keeled over in a faint at my feet.  So now I have 2 very confused babies, a husband out cold on the floor, and a snake under my couch.  I take 30 seconds in which to privately panic in my head. Ok, OK, you can handle this.  YOU CAN HANDLE THIS.  Triage.   Babies, then husband, then snake.

Daniel came around by this point, but didn’t remember fainting.  Since I distinctly saw his head bounce when it hit the floor, I was a bit concerned.  I quickly stashed the babies safely away in their crib, and explained to Daniel that he fainted and hit his head on the floor. His response:  Oh, that’s why my head hurts.  We got him moved a bit away from the couch/ snake, and I made him lie down with his feet propped up while I started calling around  the family for help.  Meanwhile, Daniel began to realize what was going on, and told me not to call for help because then people would think he fainted because of the snake.  This is unacceptable in a family in which your 4 ½ ft tall sister in law takes on a boa constrictor with a  fence post. This could become one of those family legends, like the time his brother accidentally killed a calf by dropping a gate on it.  I could see the horror dawning on his face:  years of “but what about the one time Daniel fainted when he saw a little snake??”  I expressed my empathy with his concerns by standing over him so he couldn’t get up while calling every member of his family, meanwhile not letting the couch/snake out of my sight.  Fortunately a worker was quickly sent over with a machete.  The babies and I went upstairs for that part, but I did let Daniel sit up in a chair to supervise and  somewhat salvage his dignity.

The snake was promptly dispatched.  It was "just" a garden snake (3 feet long! really big!!), fortunately nothing poisonous.  And here Daniel would want me to emphasize that he did not faint because of the snake.  He fainted because all the blood rushed from his head when he went from sleep to panic and stood up too quickly due to his wife’s scream.   I’m sure that’s exactly how it will be remembered by all his brothers. 
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